6 Reasons I Will Not Win Mother of the Year Today

1. Dirty clothes have now taken over the laundry room so that I can only open the door a crack and then have to scoot sideways to enter. For every 1 load I wash and dry, my family has produced 3 new loads that need to be done . . .

2. Boy #2 has the biggest blisters I have EVER seen on his shoulders because the sunscreen I put on him Saturday morning apparently either didn’t work at all, or only provided protection for approximately 3 minutes. I would show you pictures, but I’m fairly certain they could be used against me in a court of law when DHS comes to take my kids away.

3. Hypothetical question: Is it bad if you can’t remember last time your 4-year-old took a bath? Why do I ask? No reason . . .

4. Apparently it is my fault that Boy #1 had to practice baseball with his All-Stars team in 100-degree heat for an hour today. I can’t decide if I’m to blame for creating heat, though, or for cursing him with exceptional baseball skills.

5. I caught Boys #2 and #3 creating Mii’s for the Wii—and then using the cursor/arrow to click on the Miis’ privates while saying, “I’m touching your penis!”

6. Remembering to put cortisone cream on Boy #3’s leg rash twice a day is obviously just too damn hard.

Ahh, another day, another chance to get it right—right?


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