A Juxtaposition of Comments Regarding Personal Appearance (Subtitle: Why I’m Only Eating Celery the Rest of the Month)
Allow me to describe for you a juxtaposition of comments relayed to Husband this week—one regarding himself, and the other regarding me.
First, the comment regarding Him:
It was Sunday, and we were innocently visiting with my in-laws while getting ready for Boy #3’s belated-belated birthday party, when my father-in-law said to my husband, “Oh! Have I got something to tell you!”
He started explaining that he worked with this woman who is our age, what she does for the company, etc., etc. He said they were in his office discussing something when he noticed that she was looking at the slide show of photos that was playing on his computer. Suddenly she interrupted him, an intent look in her eyes.
Her: “Wait. Can I ask you something?”
Him: “Sure. What?”
Her: “Can you go back a couple of photos?”
So my father-in-law went back to the photo she was referring to and said, “This one?”
Her: “Yeah, that’s the one.”
It was a photo of Husband holding Boy #3. I thought to myself (because, of course, I was listening to the conversation), “Oh, she must know him. She probably went to college with us.” Seriously, I swear EVERYONE knows my husband. He seems to have some reputation that precedes him everywhere he goes.
But I definitely wasn’t prepared for what I heard next:
Her: “I just have two questions for you. That guy is SMOKIN’ HOT. Who is he? And is he married?”
“HECK YES, he’s married!” I heard myself blurt out with a bit too much Napoleon in it. I looked over to see my in-laws smiling and Husband looking a bit embarrassed but definitely flattered. It really was kind of humorous (Of course, my father-in-law told her that he was married with three boys.), but for some reason, it kind of bothered me.
Honestly, it’s been since college that I’ve heard any woman refer to my husband as “hot.” (Not sure I’ve ever heard the “smokin'” part.) Not that he’s not a great-looking guy, but it’s just that once you’re married, people don’t usually tell you how cute they think your man is. So I just wasn’t sure what to DO with that. Okay, I’m married to someone that someone else thinks is hot. I may need to step it up a bit, I decided. You know, maybe wear something around the house besides sweat pants that are so tight that they cling to my generous bulges and a big ratty T-shirt. Possibly make sure I brush my teeth before noon on Saturdays. Something like that…
So as you can see, I was already feeling a bit insecure about my own appearance compared to my husband’s. You know, I can’t say anyone has referred to ME as “smokin’ hot” since, I don’t know…EVER! But then, last night, Husband had to tell me about THIS COMMENT, which just drove a nail in the coffin of my already wounded self-esteem…
Comment about ME:
Husband set the scene by telling me that he was driving Boy #2 to his dance class (Yes, my boy is a dancer!) last night when Boy #2 asked a question, completely out of the blue.
Boy #2: So, do you think Mom’s going to have a girl this time?
Husband: What?! [Trying not to swerve off the road.] Honey, Mom’s not having a baby.
Boy #2: Well, she sure keeps getting fatter!
So there you have it. He’s smokin’ hot, and I look like I’m 6 months pregnant.
And the diet begins…NOW.
Ya know … I’ve never met you in real life, so I don’t know if you REALLY look like your 6 months prego. I mean, seriously … sometimes women tend to blow things out of proportion. You may just look, I don’t know … 4 months pregnant. I’m just sayin.
Anyway … Big Daddy had the same problem this winter. People started thinking he was “THE PREGNANT MAN” and so he tried a diet. And it worked.
I know, GASP, it really worked.
He lost 25 pounds in 30 days. 12 of those pounds being in the first 10 days.
It worked so well, I decided to promote it. So, if you want to know more about it, email me. Or visit:
No joke. It works. And he’s KEPT IT OFF. Isn’t that the important part?
So, I’m not trying to sit here and sell you something. I’m just trying to make you look a few months less pregnant.
Why? Because I love ya!
Um, yeah, I’d be hiding under a rock somewhere! HUGS!!
I hear you. I mean, I am 9 months pregnant, but I know that I will still look very pregnant long after little man #3 is born. Such a lovely feeling. You do NOT look pregnant, by the way!! If it makes you feel any better, son #2 announced at the 4th of July that my father-in-law has a baby in his tummy, and he works out in the gym EVERY DAY (and thinks he is quite the stud). My husband gets hit on ALL of the TIME!! He had a job at the high school, and apparently he was quite the head turner. Woo hoo, combing the high schools!! A couple of months ago I started calling him “cougar bait” becuase he had older women coming onto him at work constantly, married or not, and many of them trying desperately to marry him off to their daughters if he didn’t seem interested in them. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t wear his wedding ring (becuase of his work, his finger could get ripped off at any point). Of course it is nice to think that your husband has still “got it,” but yeah, it doesn’t feel THAT good because I don’t think I have ever been hit on in my life.
You DO NOT look pregnant. But I’ll diet with ya ‘cuz I feel like I am. 🙂
I really get where you are coming from with this post. Recently, the wife of one of my father-in-law’s business partners met my husband and KNOWING that he was married, still told my MIL that she wanted to introduce him to her recently divorced daughter!!!
Thank goodness my MIL is my best friend. She told chick that her son was HAPPILY married with a daughter and therefore an introduction would be highly inappropriate. Go MIL!!
Ummm…yes, if you look pregnant what does that make me?
It is nice when people think you are married to an attractive person but not when they say it in a way that says they want them.
Oh my goodness this is so funny I really have been laughing out loud. (-:
I can so relate to this whole post, but I won’t go into all that since you write so much better and are way funnier than I can be. hahaha