Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?

It all started when the boys came running into the house at 9:15 last night after playing outside with the neighbors.

Boy #2: Mom, somebody’s house got struck by lightning, and the girl is crying!
Me: What?!
Boy #2: Yes, somebody’s house got struck by lightning!
Me: Honey, there is no lightning. It’s not even raining!
Boy #2: Well, the girl is crying!

Just then, Boy #1 started running around the house, frantically closing all the blinds and locking the doors.

Boy #1: Mom! There’s a burglar in the neighborhood! Lock all the doors!
Me: What?!
Boy #1: Yes! There are two policemen at the house down the street and a lady is crying and we heard them say something about “HIM” and I think maybe something like “He fired a shot.”
Me: Okay, slow down. What’s going on?
Boy #1: Look outside, Mom! You can see the police! I don’t want anyone to break into our house!

So I opened the door and peered outside. Yes, there was a policeman talking to one of my neighbors in his driveway. I went back inside to deal with my three (by now) HYSTERICAL boys. (Where was Husband for all this? Oh, yes. Out with his friends. He misses ALL the fun!)

Me: Are you SURE you heard this correctly?
Boy #1: YES, MOM! Well, at least I THINK I heard her say something about a gun…Send the boys upstairs to bed and I’ll stay down here with you and stand guard.

By this time, I was starting to get a bit freaked out and wondering if it had something to do with the warnings I had heard on the news about 8 attempted child abductions and 1 successful abduction and assault in the Des Moines area. The man was still on the loose (still is, I believe), and police fear he’s becoming more aggressive. So I did what any nosy neighbor would do—called my sister (who is also my neighbor) and asked her to call her friend who is a police officer and ask him what’s going on down the street.

She called me back two minutes later.

Sister: Yeah, domestic disturbance, just a verbal one. Good luck explaining that to the boys.

Awesome. Just what I wanted to do tonight, I thought as I saw one pair of brown eyes and two pairs of hazel eyes staring at me as I hung up the phone.

Boy #1: What did she say? What is it? Was it a burglar?

Me: No. Listen kids, sometimes when mommies and daddies fight, they need the police to help them work things out. That’s all it was.

Blank stares.

Me: Okay, bedtime!

Boy #1 was fine, but of course, Boys 2 and 3 were still freaked out by the whole lightning-burglar-abduction-verbal-abuse thing.

“We want to sleep with you!”

Fine. I didn’t feel well and just wanted to fall into a coma at this point, so I gave in and lay in between the boys, hoping that when Husband got home he would carry them into their own beds so I could get some real sleep.

No such luck.

3:38 a.m. I wake up with no covers, no pillow, with two boys practically on top of me, both snoring directly into my ear. I decide to go lay in Boy #2’s bed but find Husband asleep there. Damn! I go back into my room and try to move Boy #2 over so I don’t have to be in the middle, but then he just rolls back on top of me. And by this time, Boy #3’s snoring has gotten EVEN LOUDER, if that’s possible. After trying to go back to sleep for 10 minutes, I decide to retreat to the couch downstairs. Yes, I will have to deal with the dog who will probably bark when he sees me and the loud waterfall sound from the fish tank that’s needed refilled for 2 weeks and I’ve pretended I haven’t noticed, but it’s better than sleeping with two bulldozers.

I settle into the couch, pull a blanket over me, put my arm over my head to help block the fish-tank noise, and give a little sigh. That’s when I feel the poke. It’s Boy #3. He tells me to “Scoot over” as he barges his way onto the couch with me.

Me: Honey, I came down here because I cannot sleep with you two.

How did Boy #3 respond?

“I can’t either.”

Hmmm…Therein lies the problem.

So I waited for Boy #3 to fall back asleep and then carefully disentangled my body from his and crept upstairs. Happily, I found Husband in my bed where Boy #2 had been, so I slipped into bed, lay my head on the pillow, and looked at the clock. 4:26. One sweet hour of slumber before I have to get up and go to work. What more could I ask for?


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