Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?


It all started when the boys came running into the house at 9:15 last night after playing outside with the neighbors.

Boy #2: Mom, somebody’s house got struck by lightning, and the girl is crying!
Me: What?!
Boy #2: Yes, somebody’s house got struck by lightning!
Me: Honey, there is no lightning. It’s not even raining!
Boy #2: Well, the girl is crying!

Just then, Boy #1 started running around the house, frantically closing all the blinds and locking the doors.

Boy #1: Mom! There’s a burglar in the neighborhood! Lock all the doors!
Me: What?!
Boy #1: Yes! There are two policemen at the house down the street and a lady is crying and we heard them say something about “HIM” and I think maybe something like “He fired a shot.”
Me: Okay, slow down. What’s going on?
Boy #1: Look outside, Mom! You can see the police! I don’t want anyone to break into our house!

So I opened the door and peered outside. Yes, there was a policeman talking to one of my neighbors in his driveway. I went back inside to deal with my three (by now) HYSTERICAL boys. (Where was Husband for all this? Oh, yes. Out with his friends. He misses ALL the fun!)

Me: Are you SURE you heard this correctly?
Boy #1: YES, MOM! Well, at least I THINK I heard her say something about a gun…Send the boys upstairs to bed and I’ll stay down here with you and stand guard.

By this time, I was starting to get a bit freaked out and wondering if it had something to do with the warnings I had heard on the news about 8 attempted child abductions and 1 successful abduction and assault in the Des Moines area. The man was still on the loose (still is, I believe), and police fear he’s becoming more aggressive. So I did what any nosy neighbor would do—called my sister (who is also my neighbor) and asked her to call her friend who is a police officer and ask him what’s going on down the street.

She called me back two minutes later.

Sister: Yeah, domestic disturbance, just a verbal one. Good luck explaining that to the boys.

Awesome. Just what I wanted to do tonight, I thought as I saw one pair of brown eyes and two pairs of hazel eyes staring at me as I hung up the phone.

Boy #1: What did she say? What is it? Was it a burglar?

Me: No. Listen kids, sometimes when mommies and daddies fight, they need the police to help them work things out. That’s all it was.

Blank stares.

Me: Okay, bedtime!

Boy #1 was fine, but of course, Boys 2 and 3 were still freaked out by the whole lightning-burglar-abduction-verbal-abuse thing.

“We want to sleep with you!”

Fine. I didn’t feel well and just wanted to fall into a coma at this point, so I gave in and lay in between the boys, hoping that when Husband got home he would carry them into their own beds so I could get some real sleep.

No such luck.

3:38 a.m. I wake up with no covers, no pillow, with two boys practically on top of me, both snoring directly into my ear. I decide to go lay in Boy #2’s bed but find Husband asleep there. Damn! I go back into my room and try to move Boy #2 over so I don’t have to be in the middle, but then he just rolls back on top of me. And by this time, Boy #3’s snoring has gotten EVEN LOUDER, if that’s possible. After trying to go back to sleep for 10 minutes, I decide to retreat to the couch downstairs. Yes, I will have to deal with the dog who will probably bark when he sees me and the loud waterfall sound from the fish tank that’s needed refilled for 2 weeks and I’ve pretended I haven’t noticed, but it’s better than sleeping with two bulldozers.

I settle into the couch, pull a blanket over me, put my arm over my head to help block the fish-tank noise, and give a little sigh. That’s when I feel the poke. It’s Boy #3. He tells me to “Scoot over” as he barges his way onto the couch with me.

Me: Honey, I came down here because I cannot sleep with you two.

How did Boy #3 respond?

“I can’t either.”

Hmmm…Therein lies the problem.

So I waited for Boy #3 to fall back asleep and then carefully disentangled my body from his and crept upstairs. Happily, I found Husband in my bed where Boy #2 had been, so I slipped into bed, lay my head on the pillow, and looked at the clock. 4:26. One sweet hour of slumber before I have to get up and go to work. What more could I ask for?

7 thoughts on “Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?”

  1. What a night you had! I’m glad it wasn’t anything serious though. And how sweet was Boy #1, willing to stand guard. ;o)

    I hope you get some sleep tonight!

  2. You have a VERY exciting neighborhood–what with the verbal abuse, two fires, vulture, and those May Day baskets and all. As far as the sleeping arrangements go, have you considered getting a hammock for the back yard? Perhaps this would solve the dog problem and the sleep problem. Plus, wouldn’t it be great to have the boys get up in the middle of the night and they HAVE to wake up Daddy because they can’t find you outside snoozing with the dog to keep you warm? Just an idea! HA! We can all dream can’t we?

  3. I love the ideas that kids get when they think they hear something! Things get so blown out, but sometimes it is just hilarious! Glad there wasn’t any lightening-burgler-abduction!

  4. I have two boys so I can relate to much of what you are saying, especially the night-time musical beds.

  5. Wow, we don’t get that much drama in Sully. lol Glad it wasn’t too serious.

    I think you need your own room though!! ROFL

  6. i agree with dorian and monte, maybe you need your own room…or how ’bout trucking over to sister’s in the middle of the night? is their couch free? lol

  7. Woah, luckily the only time we had a domestic disturbance right next door was when I was preggs with #1, so no explinations needed! It was scary, though, we woke up in the middle of the night with our whole street lit up with emergency vehicles and saw the cops throw our neighbor up against the car before they tossed him in the back seat. Our poor lady neighbor got both of her legs, amongst other things, broken. I am sure that was so horrible for her on so many levels, but she was a strong lady!And, even though she had a restaining order against him thereafter, he would drive by and stop in front of our house if we were outside and stare at us and yell in jibber jabber. Made you feel really safe.

    And maybe this will help with your sleeping situation, and maybe not, but I try to keep a sleeping bag and pillow for both of mine in the corner of our room and sometimes when they come in, if I actually notice that they come in, I make them lay in their sleeping bags on the floor. #1 has no problem with it at all, #2 sometimes carries on, but I tell him it is either his bed, or sleeping bag city and after a few night of crying, and my holding his hand until he goes to sleep, he doesn’t throw much of a fit anymore either and goes to back to sleep on the floor. Doesn’t help with the snoring aspect, but at least it isn’t directly in your face. Just something to try if you are so inclined!

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