Birds, Bees, and Boys

It’s the moment moms dream of…hanging out with the family, sharing some quality time, when all of a sudden your soon-to-be 8-year-old son blurts out:

“Mom, what’s a boner?”


I wanted to run away screaming, not just because I wasn’t in the mood to have the “birds and the bees” discussion but also because the word “boner” is such a gross word, when it’s coming out of the mouth of one of the characters in Porky’s and especially when it’s coming from the mouth of your innocent second-grader.

But I tried to hide my prudish disgust surprise and attempted to quiet him down so I didn’t have to explain it to the 5-year-old too. “I’ll tell you a little later,” I assured him.

Obviously, “a little later” was not soon enough, because an hour later, booming through the living room came Boy #2’s husky voice, “I asked, what’s a boner?”

This time, I realized I really needed to have “the talk.” Partly because he had asked twice. And partly because after just hearing the term “friends with benefits” on TV, he actually defined the phrase for me—correctly—when asked.


I’d like to interject here and ask if you’ve noticed that it’s me, the MOM, who is having “the talk” with the boys. Yeah, I don’t know what’s up with that either. I thought I was off the hook since I didn’t have daughters. But I told Husband he needed to tell Boy #2 what a boner was and you’d think I’d asked him to show him what one was because he got bright red and completely flustered, stuttering about not knowing what he was supposed to say.

Never mind—I got it! Sheesh.

So we discussed the birds, the bees, and boners. At least as much as I thought he needed to know right now.

“Is there anything else you want to know?” I asked Boy #2 and then held my breath.

“Yeah,” he said as he sat up from my bed where we’d been lying together.

“Okay, what is it?” I asked, bracing myself for more images from Porky’s or maybe Hardbodies.

“Will you play Scrabble Slam with me?”

(Release breath in a silent sigh of relief.)

Image copyright haloocyn
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