Dairy Queen—The Soliloquy

Does he frighten you?

Does the sight of the chocolate ice cream dripping down the side of the cone and running down his arm make you want to defend yourself with a pair of rubber gloves and a bottle of 409?

Would you lose sleep over the brown blob that is creating a permanent stain on the T-shirt?

If those lips came at you, cocked and ready to fire a sticky smooch, would you turn and run?

If so, don’t come over to my house.

This photo is representative of my world with my boys. A metaphor, if you will.

My world is a drippy ice cream cone. It’s sticky. It’s messy. It’s gonna leave a stain. There’s no controlling it—no matter how hard you try. It’s going to melt, and it’s going to get ugly. And no matter how quickly you try to consume it before it becomes too much of a mess, you can’t keep up. If you try too hard, you just end up with a brain freeze and stomach cramps.

My house, my car–my life–it’s not neat and orderly. There are spills, splats, and plops at every turn. You’d never mistake my living room for a museum, and eating off my floor would likely result in a trip to the ER for a stomach pump.

Whenever I get stressed out about it, get down on myself for sucking at the whole mom/wife/human being thing, I force myself to stop and think. Put myself in the shoes of a 3-year-old, 6-year-old, or 10-year-old boy.

Chasing one another with the garden hose until everyone and everything is soaking wet…Building a fortress of castles and tree forts that spans an entire family room…Ripping the sheets off Mom and Dad’s bed, stripping down to your underwear, and bodyslamming your brothers…

…Going through the drive-thru at Dairy Queen without any shoes on, getting handed a cone piled in cold chocolate goodness, sticking your lips in the top of the ice cream just to see what kind of shape it makes, sitting on the front step with chocolate dripping off your chin and down your arms but a smile of sticky satisfaction on your face…

How freakin’ fun is that?

Note: I won’t be adding to the blog for a couple days as I’ll be headed to Kansas City for a wedding. With our kids in the wedding and my sister’s family and my family sharing ONE hotel room —yes, there will be 9 of us…(10 counting the peanut my sister’s carrying)—I’m sure I’ll have PLENTY of material to write about when I return! Have a safe and fun Memorial Weekend!

6 thoughts on “Dairy Queen—The Soliloquy”

  1. Just wanted to clarify that I’m NOT the sister carrying the peanut. Nor do I have anything else in my uterus.
    And, yes, as a sometimes certified “neat freak,” I will admit that the thought of a chocolate ice cream cone running all over children and surroundings makes me want to run screaming. But, what can I say. Your kids probably have way more fun than mine. Someday my girls will probably be in therapy and your kids won’t. So keep on keeping it real! Love the photo of #3, though, especially since it wasn’t taken at my house…

  2. I am going to say raising children/life as a parent is like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Just as you think you have a child figured out, they change things up on you. For instance, #3 is finally in a good sleeping pattern and making it through the night without waking up, then “POW” he start teething. But once you embrace that there will NEVER be complete control life seems to fall into place a lot better.

    momof2dancers you are too fast. I totally thought you were the one with the peanut, and wanted to poke fun at you. Alas, you were speedy and clarified.

  3. Love the metaphor! So accurate. I can definitely relate: a few years back, a door-to-door salesman came to my house offering me a bottle of “Tornado Magic” or some such spot-removing substance. He claimed it was a miracle and could take stains out of anything. He said he could remove that rust stain off my driveway if I wanted. (I hadn’t actually noticed the rust stain before, but no matter). I just grinned.
    “Do you want me to remove that for you?” he said, looking uncertain.
    “You can,” I said, shrugging. “But, frankly, stains don’t bother me. I have kids. I have stains. I’m not fightin’ it.”
    He grinned back and said, “Have a good day, Ma’am.”

    Now, thanks to you, pjmom, I have a new mantra. Today as I attempt to clean my house, only to see it dirty again by 3:15PM when my boys get home from school, I will repeat to myself, “My world is a drippy ice cream cone.” And I will smile.

    momof2dancers–Given your description of your “neat freak” tendencies, I trust that your uterus is, in fact, spotless. Kudos. I’m fairly certain mine’s full of spiderwebs and dust bunnies.

  4. I died laughing at the photo. My life is a drippy ice cream cone with dog hair in it. Actually, last week we did our typical “ice cream cone cruising” where we go look at things around town with our cones (yes, we are soooo environmentally friendly!!), and #2fell asleep with his cone half-eaten, and we didn’t notice until it had all run out the bottom. Despite washing it up as soon as we got home, the straps on his car seat are now brown and crispy. I know I could take it apart and wash it, but I will probably wait until after ice cream season is over.

    I do have the peanut, and I guess I don’t know how clean it is keeping my uterus (although if it is anything like my other kids, I am sure there are already smashed fruit snacks and a lot of crumbs in there). Momof2dancers, have you tried the Woomba?

  5. I just got home from taking my 3 yaer old little girl to the Junction Creamery and I gotta say–I’m feeling blessed! As the certified “non neat freak” (I hate the word slob, but lack a better term…organizationally challenged, maybe?), I have it so good because it’s my DAUGHTER who is the neat freak! I get to be cool mom because I never have to rag on her to be neater or to stop dripping!

    Loved the blog, am glad your momma in law told me to check it out.

  6. momof2dancers—I knew you would find this post disturbing. Your kids may be in therapy someday, but at least they’ll show up to their therapy sessions without stains on the front of their shirts!

    dr sprinkler—Was not aware of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, but I think it’s my new favorite scientific principle! (Next to the law of gravity.)

    nochickens—Yeah, seriously, stain removal? What’s the point? I like to call it “modern art.”

    turkeypants—I gagged a little when I thought of the drippy ice cream cone with dog hair in it. And the thought of crumbs and fruit snacks in your uterus makes me die laughing!

    groovyteach—So glad to read your comments! What a good point about getting to be the “cool mom”! I’ll have to use that one! 🙂 Keep up the comments!

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