Damn you, swimsuit season. Damn you all to hell!

Okay, a quick post this morning to let you know I’m sending out an S.O.S. I want to lose 10 pounds by July 4. I need HELP! If any of you have any ideas that don’t involve exercising or changing what I eat, I’d love to hear from you. JUST KIDDING! I realize I’m going to have to get this middle-aged body back in shape if I want to fit back into my clothes again. But why does it have to be so HARD? Maybe because my body is working against me!

Allow me to whine for a few moments about my thyroid. (Picture me giving it the finger.) This all started after Boy #2 was born and I felt like my feet were encased in cement. It took THAT much energy to put one foot in front of the other. After realizing that it wasn’t just because I was a working mom of 2 boys, I convinced a doctor to check my thyroid. And what do you know? I was extremely hypothyroid. (translation: low on thyroid hormones) In fact, my doctor said I was the worst case she had seen. GREAT! And the cause was an autoimmune disease–Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, which means this wouldn’t just go away after I was done having babies. But fortunately, synthetic thyroid hormones are a fairly easy treatment, and aside from having to get my levels checked regularly, I was back in business.

That is, until last summer. Five years and another boy later, I started feeling bad again. This time, fatigue with bouts of heart palpitations and absolutely no attention span. Back to the doctor and a referral for a thyroid scan and this time it’s hyperthyroidism caused by Graves’ Disease. My first thought: Ooh, maybe I’ll at least lose weight since one of the main symptoms is rapid weight loss. But no. Lucky me. I’m one of the few people who actually GAINS weight with Graves’ Disease. Of course I am. Why was I surprised?

Fast-forward to Thanksgiving and a thyroid ablation, which means I swallowed a radioactive iodine pill, was “radioactive” for 2 days, and had to stay away from my kids and flush twice when I peed. Then came the death watch. Waiting for my thyroid to die. Unfortunately, it was not a quick and painless death. Oh, no. It was slow and prolonged. I think I slept nearly the entire month of January. But finally—February and “Ding-Dong the Thyroid’s Dead”! But standing in its wake was me, 15 pounds heavier with dark circles that make a meth addict look perky!

So after 3+ months of extreme panty lines and having to repeatedly tell my 3-year-old, “No, Mommy is NOT having a baby!”, I am deciding to quit feeling sorry for myself and start taking back my body.

The question now becomes—how? This is where you come in. If you’ve got some ideas that don’t involve completely cutting out my second love–carbs–or eating only green beans and grapefruit, I’m all ears. I have a feeling , though, that I’m going to end up having to start running again. Shudder. I hate running. My body was soooo not built for running. But somehow two years ago I found myself training for a half-marathon with two friends. I actually completed two without going into cardiac arrest! And what did I do after completing the Omaha Half-Marathon in my best time by far? Quit running. Cold turkey. Hopefully it will all come back to me when I start up again. Kind of like riding a bike. But I’m afraid it will be more like riding a unicycle while juggling flaming torches and balancing a stack of teacups on my head.

Oh well. I know things could be MUCH worse. Thanks for letting me throw my little pity party. I’ll be here, munching on a carrot stick and not-so-patiently waiting for your words of wisdom about how I can transform from a middle-aged, pudgy mom to a “You-can’t-be-36-and-a-mom-of-3-boys-there-must-be-some-mistake” hottie. No pressure.

12 thoughts on “Damn you, swimsuit season. Damn you all to hell!”

  1. Oh how I wish I had some magic advice, I’d be doing it too. 3 babies can really do a number on us. I was fine after #1, but I noticed quite a difference with #2, and even more with #3. Of course the things I’ve heard: eat modestly, get some excercise and drink LOTS of water. 😉

    Good luck!!!

    Maybe we should get together and compare. Then I wouldn’t feel so flabby. lol

  2. Weightloss….uggghhh! That sucks! I HATE running as well, I used to run on a track with my college roomate 3-4 times per week. I HATED it, and although I tried hard, she would lap me AT LEAST once. BUT I found something that I think I will do once I am no longer pregs, and need to lose anywhere from 15 to 80 pounds, the JumpSnap!!! It is a jump rope with no rope. Seriously. Bought it for the husband because he complained that he just wants to jump rope, but can’t do it in the house because we have 5′ ceilings. So yeah, he has only used it once, but it was a HARD workout for him, AND only 10 minutes long! And since he is a man, he probably lost 15 pounds in those 10 minutes. Jump roping is an awesome workout, aparently 2 minutes of jumping is equal to running, like, 5 miles (okay, I may have stretched that a bit). So, that is my recommendation. Haven’t actually used it, but am actually not dreading having to.

    On a side note, I have found you a theme song for your Thriftilicious Thursdays. I bought the kids a Dan Zanes album on iTunes, and we were listening to it the first time, and I died laughing when the song entitled “Thrift Shop” came on. “…there’s a feast that meets the eye/dresses coats and ties/I wish this was my size/at the Thrift Shop!”
    Woah. It was like your blog set to music. BoogersandBurps the musical. It is worth the $.99 download, or at least a free sample listen. It is in the Dan Zanes “Family Dance” album on iTunes. Actually, the whole album is awesome, I enjoy it! 2 year old boy’s fave song is “Malti” which is in spanish, and it is hilarious listening to him sing it. Won’t dissapoint. ANYWAY, I am indead endorsing the JumpSnap, and Dan Zanes music today.

  3. There should be a word limit on your comments. SOME people write WAY too much! CERTAINLY not me!

  4. turkeypants, you actually bought an “air jump rope”? Wow. I can sell you an air guitar and I have an air frying pan. You just cook right on the burner, like the pans not even there.

  5. dorian & monte, do you think scarfing down a BBQ dinner of ham, turkey, beef, and pork; french fries; and baked beans, and washing it down with a strawberry shortcake sundae would be considered “eating modestly”? If not, I failed miserably yesterday.

    turkeypants, I’ll have to try the JumpSnap, although it sounds like something made-up to me. And I will DEFINITELY download “Thrift Store!” How serendipitous! (I love having the occasion to use that word!)

    art vandelay, yeah. You were SUPPOSED to comment with “But, dear, you ARE a hottie.” Thanks for nothin’.

  6. Woah. Did someone just slam my JumpSnap? Did I read that correctly? It is on. In 8 months, when I have the okay to exercise, and when I actually get the ambition to do so, I will use that thing once or twice, and THEN who will be laughing?!?

  7. Yeah, I think eating all that would qualify as a failure. At least in a respect to a diet. As for a great meal…you passed with flying colors!!! The strawberry shortcake sundae sounds wonderful!!

  8. the good thing is…summer always seems to do a good thing for my weight…and thank goodness, since my job has helped me weigh more than ever now (i’m a stress eater). maybe it’ll be the same for you….swimming, walking, etc. will probably get you right back into shape without even trying that much!

  9. I HATE RUNNING! In fact I always joke with G’ma Reece about running on the bike path only where there are trees on both sides so no one can see me run. We have a teacher in our room that LOVES to run. In fact did you know there is a “pretty way” to run? Me neither and needless to say we haven’t asked for a demonstration from him either. By the way, Art, I agree that you should have stuck with, “but honey you are a hottie.” You are going to be in so much trouble. Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?

  10. drink lots of water, no pop or coffee. eat better, no fast food, avoid restaurants if at all possible, since you have dog, take it for daily walks – 1 hour or longer. it doesnt get much easier

  11. Just found you through An Iowa Mom, and oh man, we have a LOT in common!

  12. trenches of mommyhood, just visited your site and you are RIGHT! We have so much in common it may be considered scary! I’m so excited you commented and I cannot wait to commiserate with you more! 🙂

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