Let Them Eat Cake (Just not in my bed)

I’m not sure if this is a trait of boys in general, or if my boys have some genetic malfunction.

It certainly couldn’t have anything to do with my parenting skills…

But I’m beginning to notice a trend. Granted, it’s only taken me about five years to recognize the trend, but you know, I’ve never been accused at being quick at anything.

So here’s the deal: I am finding food EVERYWHERE.

No, I don’t mean going out and foraging the forest for berries. I mean I’m finding food everywhere in my house. Besides the kitchen.

As I said, this has been an ongoing phenomenon. Remember when I found the loaf of bread behind the couch?

Or when the bologna with the face was staring up at me?

Yeah, as I said, this has been years in the making.

Lately, I’ve noticed that this trend is getting worse. Let me give you an example of what I found last week alone.

Remember how it was Boy #3’s birthday last week? And I bought him that uber-generic cake? (Yes, the cake that gave me severe gas cramps.) Well, his birthday was Tuesday, and Wednesday evening I noticed that the leftover cake was not on the counter where it was that morning. Weird, I thought. Well, the kids must’ve finished it and thrown the packaging away.

And I didn’t think too much more of it.

That is, until I went to my bedroom later in the evening and found a huge crumbling mass of chocolate cake beside my bed, along with some telltale crumbs actually IN my bed.

Upon investigation, I found the round piece of cardboard that the cake had been placed on in Boy #2’s room, under his desk.

As you can imagine, I was not a happy mom.

But, people, that’s not all. I also walked into the family room later in the week to find a carton of Schwann’s sherbet, 3/4 full, just sitting on the floor with its lid off. Completely melted.

I am almost embarrassed to tell you that I also found an opened bag of Cheetos beside my bed as well, and a small, but empty, carton of Starbucks coffee-flavored ice cream in one of the boys’ bedrooms that for some reason was just sitting by itself in this humongous cardboard box someone had dragged in there. I’m guessing that coffee flavored ice cream wasn’t the best-tasting stuff they’ve ever had, but that obviously didn’t deter them.

Now, we’ve told them they are NOT to eat anywhere outside of the kitchen. And they DO get in trouble when we find food all over the house. But apparently we are going to have to start either padlocking the refrigerator or tethering them to our side whenever we are home, because nothing else seems to be working.

Or maybe I’ll just quit feeding them.

And just last night, people, an entire loaf of just-bought whole wheat bread went missing.

That is still under investigation.

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