Mattel, I think it’s time to put Barbie out to pasture…

I admit that being the mom of 3 boys has left me a bit out of the loop when it comes to Barbies. I mean, I know Barbie is still around (and still dating Ken), and I know that the Barbie aisle at Target is chock-full of different variations of the doll, but seriously—will it ever end? Is Mattel grasping at straws here with some of the Barbies they’re dreaming up in the boardroom?

I was browsing at KB Toys online today because they’re having a big sale and I’m trying to get some Christmas shopping done early this year. I found myself, however, pondering the appeal of the following Barbies, which I had no idea existed until today:

First, meet South Beach Barbie, part of the “Best Models” Collection.

After a tough photo shoot (in her swimsuit with the revealing O-ring, the same O-ring that caused the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster, and her ankle-strap heels), Barbie likes to unwind by downing several martinis and hooking up with someone who’s NOT Ken at one of Miami’s hottest night clubs. Just what every mom wants her 7-year-old to aspire to…

Also part of the Best Models Collection is Monte Carlo Barbie.

Like South Beach Barbie, Monte Carlo Barbie features “the dramatic ModelMuse body sculpt.” What does this mean? Well, evidently the ModelMuse Barbies were designed to make young girls feel even MORE self-conscious about their bodies by making Barbie’s body even MORE perfect—and unattainable. I’m pretty sure that Barbie’s longer and even MORE slender legs make up 3/4 of her body now! And like South Beach Barbie, Monte Carlo Barbie likes to unwind after a tough day at “the office.” However, Monte Carlo Barbie, instead of resorting to noisy dance clubs, sips her wine in the bar of her 4-star hotel while she fishes for a rich businessman to help keep her clothed in designer originals and diamonds. A girl’s gotta have something to strive for!

Speaking of fashion, I obviously don’t have my finger on the pulse of it because I hadn’t even heard of this designer who is now also a Barbie. Meet Anna Sui Boho Barbie.

Apparently, Anna Sui’s designs have not yet made it to the runways of the Goodwill Stores. However, if you have a daughter with a hankering for high fashion, you can let her play fashion diva for the bargain price of $99 (a $40 savings!).

And to keep with the theme of high fashion, I’d like to introduce…
NASCAR Jeff Gordon Barbie!

She’s a beer-guzzlin’, tube top-wearin’, car-watchin’, hot dog-eatin’, tire-squealin’, eardrum-throbbin’ girl! For the future racecar groupies of the speedway circuit.

And now, to bring some international culture to the girls of America, I bring you—yes, that’s right; I’m not making this up—Oktoberfest Barbie!

She comes complete with a stein of her favorite lager. But watch out—if Barbie drinks too much German beer, she’s liable to lose her lederhosen!

But if your girl isn’t really into the Bavarian party scene, you may want to choose the flamboyant Carnival Barbie.

Decked out in sequins and feathers, Barbie is ready to dance in the streets of Rio all night long. Just what you dream for your little girl. At the Copa…Copacabana…

And lastly, if you’re resisting buying your daughter Barbies because you’re not sure Barbie is the best role model, you’re in luck! I’ve got JUST the doll for you—and she’s NOT a Barbie.

Meet the My Scene doll—Lindsay Lohan.

Here’s an excerpt from the description of the doll:
Making a movie is exciting, but so is meeting their idol, teen queen Lindsay Lohan!”
Oh, yeah. I can see it now…
“Hey, Susie, let’s play Lindsay Lohan! What should we do first—play ‘DUI arrest’ or ‘check in to rehab’?”

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I wouldn’t trade the boogers and burps of boys for all the Barbies in the world. (Especially these Barbies!)

10 thoughts on “Mattel, I think it’s time to put Barbie out to pasture…”

  1. I must thank God and all this is HOLY that my girls never really took a shine to Barbie and all her accessories. Oh we have two tubs of barbie crap, but it never got played with. I couldn’t even get rid of it in a garage sale.

  2. I loved Barbie when I was growing up. My 9 yr old Joy prefers My Little Pony and never much played with dolls of any kind.

    I admit that I’m still smitten with Barbie, particularly the International ones in traditional garb, even if she’s dumber than a box of rocks. She’s still less of a hussy than Bratz dolls. Those little babies wear G-strings. Blech.

  3. No Barbies yet. And hopefully never. I’m a bit saddende there is no Irish Barbie in a sweet StepDance dress with a pint, of course.

  4. Tata, I agree with you that Bratz are still the worst. My girls have plenty of Barbies (well, my almost-11-year-old doesn’t anymore, but my 6-year-old drama queen still has plenty). But I am SOOOOOO thankful they never got into Bratz. Why would you name a toy “Bratz”? The toy company evidently said, “If we put a ‘z’ on the end instead of an ‘s’, no one will realize their name has the word ‘brat’ in it!” Duh. Might as well have called them “Slutz”.
    Paula, just curious if the Lindsay Lohan doll had a special where you can get a boxed set, one box with Lindsay in it and other one with her party friend/sometimes lover in it. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

  5. Barbies have changed so much, since I was a kid. But that's been a LONG time ago! lol I didn't want my girls to play with Barbies, however, they were sucked in when some Aunts & Uncles got them a Barbie for Christmas. UGH. I refuse to buy them a lot of the new ones that are out there, though. Unless they come fully dressed, they aren't getting it.

  6. Do they have a Ho Barbie? We have some that we have aquired from some second-hand-type circumstances so I am not sure what flavor of Barbie’s they were originally. I am thinking maybe Skanx Barbie?!? Of course, our dog took a likin’ to the Barbie’s, so most of them now have permanent disabilities. Poor Skanx now has to get the money for her fix some other way.

  7. This was funny in a sad, sad, sad, sad way. As the mother of a future young lady, I worry about the images young girls are exposed to today.

    I think it’s sad that more girls today want to be like Paris Hilton than Christiane Amanpour. Heck, most girls today probably don’t even know who Christian Amanpour is!

  8. Boo likes barbies…but not as much as some of her friends. We stopped buying them, and she hasn’t asked since.

    I would much rather have her play with something that isn’t so filled with stereotypes.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge