Monday, You’re Hanging by a Sheldon…

Well, Monday, you’ve done it again. It’s been one of “those days,” you smug little cliché. I know you’re smiling, Monday, but really, it’s not funny. You’re sooooo predictable. I mean, seriously, step out of the box once in a while, will ya? It’s getting pretty old. Sheesh.

Here was my day, Monday, just so ya know:

  • The first thing I heard upon descending the stairs this morning was “Mom, the dog pooped on the floor!” And of course, cleaning it up is in my job description.
  • As we were scrambling to get out the door (already running late), Boy #2 piped up, “Mom! Today’s the 100th day of school! I have to bring 100 of something in a bag!” So I had to shove a box of Froot Loops at him so he could count and bag them on the two-block drive, all the while whining that he’s not going to get them counted before we get to the drop-off line. (He did, just in the nick of time.)
  • Backing out of the driveway on my second trip to drop off kids, being careful not to back into the huge garbage can that couldn’t be put on the curb because, well, we have no curb right now, just 4-foot walls of rock-hard snow, I managed to miss it with the bumper but instead caught it with the side mirror. Although I didn’t hit it hard, it still managed to put a little crack in the mirror. (Yeah, sorry, Husband. I know this is the first you’re hearing of this. Whoops!)
  • On the way to drop Boy #1 off at middle school I ask him if he ate breakfast like I’d told him to. He informed me that yes, he’d had a cupcake. On a day they’re taking standardized tests. And then when I asked him if he’d brushed his teeth, I received this answer: “With my finger.” Translation: “No, no I didn’t, Mom.”
  • Before I could drop Boy #3 off at daycare, I had to sit in the parking lot and sew on the leg of a SpongeBob doll that he had gotten this weekend at our school’s “Hell Fun Night” so he could sleep with it at nap time (and so he wouldn’t cry and cling to my leg as I was trying to leave). And yeah, I don’t sew. I had to search high and low to even locate a needle. Poor SpongeBob’s leg is back on, but it’s about an inch shorter than his other one, and his shorts are kind of gathered at the bottom now, resembling bloomers.
  • When I finally got to work, I realized I had no makeup on so had to spend five minutes “putting on my face” in the car so I didn’t have to spend the day assure all of my coworkers that no, I hadn’t been punched in the eyes this weekend.
  • Sitting down at my desk, I pulled the power cord for my laptop out of my bag and realized it is now missing a prong. Excellent! It still works, fortunately, but I’m pretty sure it’s some sort of fire hazard. Either that or I’m going to experience what it’s like to get electrocuted very, very soon.
  • I had to drive home from work in—you guessed it!—snow. I’m so sick of snow. And because our minivan is still operating with no heat or defrost, I’m driving Husband’s car, which I have now maimed twice in the past month. So slipping and sliding is not high on my list of things I enjoy doing.
  • Because I have so much to do before heading to BlissDom on Wednesday, I headed to the coffee shop to work at 6 tonight. After seeing all my usual tables filled, I opted for a place in the corner. I soon realized this was not a good choice as I could see a couple practically making out on a couch to my left. Seriously, they were nearly horizontal, kissing and caressing. It wasn’t pretty. And it was a teensy bit hard to concentrate with all the fondling going on in my peripheral vision. *Shudder*
  • Fortunately, the couple soon left, presumably to head to their dorm room where they could slobber on each other without an audience of caffeine-fueled geeks (like me). However, right after they left I was joined by a group of 6 middle-aged men who set up shop right at the table right in front of me. Apparently, there is strife in the church, and they were hashing it out. Have I mentioned how much I hate conflict? Even well-constrained conflict makes me want to hide. Um, and this went on for THREE HOURS.
  • The only other person on this side of the coffee shop was a woman, who I thought wouldn’t bother me, but proved me wrong. At one point she walked up to the group of men who were heavy in discussion so she could interrupt and give them her unsolicited advice as to what they should do. Uh, yeah… Awkward silence followed. And I wanted to crawl under the table. As the icing on the cake, her cell phone later rang in what was a volume that I had never before experienced in my life. Honestly, I think my heart stopped for just a second. And it was one of the annoying default ringtones too. Funny thing is, she didn’t even look embarrassed. Not even when it rang AGAIN TWO MINUTES LATER. JUST AS LOUD! I kid you not. Wow.

So now it’s 8:40 and I still have a list of things to do that makes me want to cry. And the coffee shop closes at 9:00.

Although, maybe I should be happy about that…

Thanks a lot, Monday. If it weren’t for The Big Bang Theory, I’d be done with you for good.

But heed this warning, Monday: If CBS moves it to Tuesday nights, you and I are through.

Photo copyright CBS
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