Multi-Tasking Ain’t for Sissies!

In case you’re wondering, it’s REALLY easy to try to be clever and creative with my 3-year-old in the room. So seriously, abandon all high expectations for this post now. I think it will be best for everyone that way.

Let me just pull you into my world for a few minutes…

[Picture me sitting in my living room with my laptop and monitor I like to refer to as the “conjoined twins.” I’m reading emails and checking out a few other blogs for inspiration as I try to get the creative juices flowing. Boy #3 is playing castle in the room, which really just means he puts a knight, ogre, or even a penguin–no matter–on top of the castle and then knocks it off. Again. And again. All while making “grr” and “roooarrrppphhh” noises.]

Boy #3: Mom, what comes after tres?
Me: Cuatro.
Boy #3: Mom, what comes after cuatro?
Me: Cinco.
Boy #3: Mom, what comes after cinco?
Me: Seis.
Boy #3: Mom, what comes after seis?

I’m sure you can guess the rest…This continued for awhile, with me attempting to read, type, and speak bilingually simultaneously.

Boy #3: What’s “ret”?
Me: What?
Boy #3: What’s ret?
Me: Wet?
Boy #3: No. RET!
Me: Red?
Boy #3: No–ret!
Me: Honey, I don’t know what you’re saying.
Boy #3: Ret!
Me: Ret?
Boy #3: Yes–ret!
Me: Nothing.
Boy #3: Oh.

Seriously, what was that about? I swear he does this on purpose. I mean, he can speak two languages, for crying out loud–you can’t tell me he doesn’t know that “ret” isn’t a word! And of course I get no contextual explanation for this two-minute exchange.

Me: *sigh* Okay, Mommy’s going to get a couple things done, okay?
Boy #3: Okay.

[3-second pause]

Boy #3: MOOOMMMMY, GET ME SOME CHOCOLATE MILK, I SAID! NOW!
Me: Excuse me, you don’t talk to Mommy like that. I’ll get you some milk in a minute.
Boy #3: NO, NOW!!! I SAID I WANT IT NOW!!!

Now this is where a GOOD mom would tell you that she calmly waited out the crying, whining, and screaming to teach him that he was not the boss and didn’t get to make demands to Mommy…You can go ahead and guess what my response was…So after enjoying the 30 seconds of silence that occurred while he drank his chocolate milk, (well, if you don’t count that sound of Barney and his troupe of annoying, overexaggerated kids singing on the TV), I was startled from my creative trance by the sound of cereal spilling and rolling all over the floor.

Boy #3: Mommy, I spilled a “wittle bit of Weeseth Puffth on the fwoor!”

At that moment, I had a flashback of yesterday, when I came home from work to find Boy #3 standing in a manmade mountain of Special K Fruit & Yogurt (MY cereal, of course).

Me: Okay. I’ll clean it up in a minute.

Boy #3: (Having returned to his castle) Mom, this monkey doesn’t have a tail! MONKEYS ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE TAILS!
Me: (Type. Type. Type.)

Boy #3: Mom, are you having a baby?

This I could not ignore.

Me: No, I’m not.
Boy #3: Then why did you get fat?
Me: I don’t know, honey. I guess I thought it would be fun.
Boy #3: Oh.

(pause)

Boy #3: I wuv you, Mom.

Me: I love you too.

13 thoughts on “Multi-Tasking Ain’t for Sissies!”

  1. Oh my gosh! #3 did that same thing to me ALL DAY yesterday!
    “What comes before seven?”
    “Six.”
    “What comes before six?”
    “Five.”
    ETC!!!!!!!
    Then, “What animals are brown?”
    “Squirrels.”
    Then, “What foods are brown?”
    “Um, chocolate.”
    “How about nuts?”
    “Yes, #3, good answer.”
    “And mushrooms!”
    “Good answer again!”
    “Why are they called mushrooms?”
    “Because someone decided they should be called that.”
    “Why do we have eyes?”
    “Because God put them there.”
    “But WHY?”
    “So we can see.”
    “Squirrels have eyes so they can see too.”
    And that is what I believe they call coming full circle!
    Remember, this is the same kid who last week was trying to get my dog to smell his armpit…

  2. Sorry, I just thought of one more exchange from yesterday:
    “I wuv you.”
    “I love you too, #3.”
    “What does wuv mean?”
    “It means you care about someone a lot and you think they’re really really special.”
    “Oh. What does special mean?”
    “It means really great.”
    “Oh. What does great mean?”
    “I don’t know, #3, why don’t YOU tell ME what great means!”
    “I don’t wuv you anymore.”
    “Whatever.”

  3. You never told us what an overacheiver you are! My goodness, between building your Bride of Frankenstein computer, teaching your children a second language, and playing waitress and maid to Boy#3 all while writing a blog!?!?! I mean, really, what can’t you do? Me? I plugged Daughter into a movie for the umpteenth time today only so I could READ your blog! Then, despite it being Pay Your Bills and Balance Your Checkbook Day here today, I’ve only managed to print out my bank statement (I got my Economic Stimulus Check–so it kind of negated the need to balance for now!) and make a few random phone calls about nothing (Sorry, momof2dancers–no offense, but I can’t elaborate in this short comment section all the problems of the world we manage to solve in our conversations). I can only make myself feel better if I picture what my husband could have gotten done this morning were he lucky enough to exchange places with me. If that were to happen I’m pretty sure the checkbook WOULD be balanced, the lawn would be mowed (again), and probably supper would be planned for tonight (I haven’t thought that far, yet), and most certainly HE would have showered by now (sorry if I have an odor). HOWEVER, I’m also fairly certain Daughter would still be in her pajamas AND the poopy diaper I changed this morning, and Sons#1 and #2 would still be home and spending their day playing video games as Dad would already be armed with the argument, “I thought YOU took them to school!” OK, I’m kidding. I love my husband, and he’s quite capable of running our home (or at least part of it) but when it comes to multi-tasking I believe we women take the cake! For proof, we need look no further than that cute little possum and her two uteruses!

    Finally, I’m curious–why DIDN’t the dog smell his armpit? Was it because there wasn’t a sandwich hidden in there? I thought dogs would smell anything! I don’t blame Boy#3 for being upset!

  4. As a real person and a man I can say that your blog appeals to both genders. I can relate to the exchange between you and #3. My #2 is about that same age and every conversation ends in either a bribe or screaming. I swear, the CIA should use kids instead of waterboarding. “I will tell you where the bomb is, just make the kid stop whining!!”

    On a different subject, my ten year anniversary is this month. My wife and I decided to take a trip in the fall (that is when the grandparents could watch the kids) and agreed not to get each other anything. So, do I keep to the agreement or do I also get her the diamond anniversary band?

  5. Okay gals, we need to help out our dear Dr. Sprinkler here. I’m afraid a lot of his views on relationships may have been formed by all those episodes of “Saved By the Bell” that he watches. Zack Morris & Kelly Kapowski may or may not be good role models.
    Seriously, Dr. S., I’m not sure what to tell you about an ann. gift. My husband got me a nice diamond ring for our 10th anniversary…let me be honest and say ME LIKEY. However, we hadn’t agreed on “no gifts,” and also I will admit I didn’t enjoy helping to pay for the ring for the next couple of years. But what am I talking about? You college professors make the big bucks so that may not a problem in the Sprinkler household. I guess I don’t know Mrs. Sprinkler well enough to know whether she would be touched by the gesture (get your mind out of the gutter, Dr.!) or whether she would feel bad if you got her a diamond ring and in turn she really did get you nothing. That would be something I would consider. Otherwise, I’m inclined to say go for it! Have you ever heard of a woman who got mad over diamonds?
    P.S. I added a photo of myself sitting at my computer so you guys could get a better idea of what I look like. I have been told many times (by experts!) that I’m very photogenic.

  6. Momof2dancers, you’ve done something different with your hair. It’s….interesting.

    Momof3boys…3 is a very exciting age. I seem to remember a certain 3 yr old (who upon hearing of the death of Elvis) sobbed “First George Washington and now Elvis Presley!”

    And seriously…I hate to drag this blog down….just think about how smart #3 is and how much he is learning from allllll of these exchanges.

    Keep up the good work momof3boys..you rock…

    PS I have 14 hours of Spanish from the Univ of Ia and #3 has already surpassed my skills!

  7. Dr. Sprinkler–I’m sorry but it took me awhile even to understand your question. Now I think I get it: you actually think that the “agreement” with your wife is a true binding agreement. I’m afraid you aren’t very versed in “wife-ese.” Anytime my husband and I have made an “agreement” not to get gifts for each other, I still really, Really, REALLY hope he will get me something. And I hope it’s not something useful. Like a mop. I hope it’s something completely frivalous and impractical. Like diamonds! Maybe I’m just immature (it’s arguable) but unless this diamond anniversary band is going to make either you or your wife work an additional 300 years of overtime to pay for it, I say get the diamonds, too! She may feel bad, that’s true. But honestly? Feeling bad over such a gesture is really just bragging rights to a wife, (i.e. “Look what my husband got me!!! *bling, bling* And we’d agreed on NO gifts!”) I mean, agreement or not, do you really think you’ll end up sleeping alone on the couch on your anniversay because you got her a diamond anniversary band AND a trip?!? Good Luck!

  8. Hi! Get the ring. Definitely. ESPECIALLY because she may have plans to go ahead and get you something as well, and this way you will be SURE to have outdone her (which is the best anniversary gift-giving scenerio). So, kudos to you for being the model husband! May we clone you for our own personal scientific gain?

  9. We haven’t entered the incessant question phase yet. #1 never really did that for some reason, and #2 still just prefers screeching as his main form of communication. Although, today we were listening to music, and while I was going to the bathroom he came in and started yelling “IwantShwekksongGan!IwantShwekksongGan!!IWANTSHWEKKSONGGAN!” and I have no idea what he is talking about, but SOMEHOW I finally deciphered that this was “I want the Shrek song again!”. “Barracuda” had been on a few songs earlier, and I guess it must be in Shrek III somewhere, since this is the only Shrek movie he has seen?!? I turned it on and , yep, that did the trick! Is there a Rosetta Stone hiding somewhere for 2 year old speak?

  10. Congrats pjmom! You’re comments section has broken into the double digits in only a week!! Which reminds me–what is the “I”owa list of bloggers section for? I don’t see Boogers and Burps on there. Is this an accomplishment you hope to achieve, or is it just an FYI? Just curious.

  11. Turkeypants
    Just to tell you how advanced #2 is, last night it only took him a few moments to create a new icon for my computer. He labeled it bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb! I have no idea how to create an icon. Outsmarted by a 2 yr old…again.

  12. Dr. Sprinkler, I say go for it. Unlike my spoiled sister, I did not receive a 10-year anniversary band. Instead, we spent a night away in that tropical paradise–yes, you guessed it–Nebraska City. Home of Arbor Day. Nothing says “Happy 10th Anniversary” like a bunch of trees! (Except maybe diamonds.)

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