My Class Reunion Priorities

So, my 20-year 5-year class reunion is in a week and a half. Funny how my priorities change. A year ago I thought, “I should lose 15 pounds before the reunion.” And what have I done to accomplish that? Does eating an entire bag of mini Reese’s Pieces (the ones that are in the baking section because they are supposed to actually be used IN BAKING) count? No? Well, then apparently I haven’t done one thing.

And now it seems I have a bigger problem than my expanding arse on the horizon . . . a face breakout of major proportions.

Why is it that I did not have any problems with acne or breakouts when I was actually IN high school, but now I look like I could be a “before” model for a Clearasil commercial? It’s really not fair. (I so hate my cute, skinny, zit-free 18-year-old self. She thinks she’s soooo cool with her clear skin and her teased-up bangs.)

So now, I’m resigning myself to the fact that notwithstanding a bout of dysentery (my fingers are still crossed), I will not shed any pounds before the reunion. I’ve got my extra-strength girdle ready to go and am looking for a shirt that will 1) hide my stomach without 2) making me look pregnant. If you’re a middle-aged woman like myself, you know there is a super-fine line right now in the fashion world between having people wonder when you got so trendy and having people wonder when you’re due.

The priority has now shifted, then, to what to do about this face.

Doesn’t every woman dream of sashaying into her 20th class reunion with a face covered in scabs?

Suggestions? (Note: It will likely be too hot for a ski mask.)


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