Why, you ask? Well, it’s like this—I HATE April Fool’s Day. Hate it.
And there’s really no story behind why I hate it. I don’t have a tale about how I once brushed my teeth with Preparation H or took a long swig of
urine“Mountain Dew.” No, nothing really stands out, except for the fact that there are a few other things that I abhor that seem curiously related…
1. Circuses. Now that I’m a mom, I can handle a “low-key” circus now and again, but the full-fledged three-ring circus? Nope. Hate it. Too much stimulation. Too many people that can contort their bodies into creepy positions. And too many horses. Did I mention that when I was little the circus came to our small town? Yeah, I was so excited to go, and I remember sitting on the bleachers innocently enjoying the show when THE HORSES WENT CRAZY. They started running wild all around the middle of the tent. People were screaming, mud was flying, and I sat paralyzed as a herd of fed-up entertainers with hooves stampeded past me and out of the tent.
2. Clowns. Kinda goes along with the circus, but it’s not just at the circus that I hate clowns. It’s at parades, at birthday parties, or passing him in a car driving down a lonely Iowa highway with a murderous look in his eye. (Yes, I’m speaking from experience.) In college, Hubby (well, Boyfriend at the time) and I went to stay with friends in Colorado for Spring Break. Guess which room we got to sleep in? Yep, the one with the collection of CLOWN DOLLS in it. I’m talking at least a hundred. All sitting together facing the bed to stare at me while I slept. Needless to say, I was a wee bit exhausted from sleeping with one eye open when we got back from that vacation.
3. Surprises. I liked to be surprised at Christmas, but that’s about it. I hate pranks, especially the element of surprise that usually goes along with them. I even hate Jack-in-the-box toys because I never know when they’re going to pop up, and that really stresses me out! (And if it’s a clown in the box, well, forget it!) I see no need for pranks, even if they’re harmless. I don’t like to pull them on other people, and I really don’t like them pulled on me.
I know, I already told you—I’m a complete party pooper. A fuddy dud.
And so do you think my poor, depraved boys got any sort of April Fool’s prank pulled on them at home yesterday? Nope. Nada. And, not having a mom who models appropriate pranking behavior, they resorted to sticking grapefruit down their pants in an effort to “fool” me.
Yeah…perhaps I should at least set the clocks ahead or something next year…