No Joke—I Hate April Fool’s Day

I am officially a party pooper.

Why, you ask? Well, it’s like this—I HATE April Fool’s Day. Hate it.

And there’s really no story behind why I hate it. I don’t have a tale about how I once brushed my teeth with Preparation H or took a long swig of urine“Mountain Dew.” No, nothing really stands out, except for the fact that there are a few other things that I abhor that seem curiously related…

1. Circuses. Now that I’m a mom, I can handle a “low-key” circus now and again, but the full-fledged three-ring circus? Nope. Hate it. Too much stimulation. Too many people that can contort their bodies into creepy positions. And too many horses. Did I mention that when I was little the circus came to our small town? Yeah, I was so excited to go, and I remember sitting on the bleachers innocently enjoying the show when THE HORSES WENT CRAZY. They started running wild all around the middle of the tent. People were screaming, mud was flying, and I sat paralyzed as a herd of fed-up entertainers with hooves stampeded past me and out of the tent.

2. Clowns. Kinda goes along with the circus, but it’s not just at the circus that I hate clowns. It’s at parades, at birthday parties, or passing him in a car driving down a lonely Iowa highway with a murderous look in his eye. (Yes, I’m speaking from experience.) In college, Hubby (well, Boyfriend at the time) and I went to stay with friends in Colorado for Spring Break. Guess which room we got to sleep in? Yep, the one with the collection of CLOWN DOLLS in it. I’m talking at least a hundred. All sitting together facing the bed to stare at me while I slept. Needless to say, I was a wee bit exhausted from sleeping with one eye open when we got back from that vacation.

3. Surprises. I liked to be surprised at Christmas, but that’s about it. I hate pranks, especially the element of surprise that usually goes along with them. I even hate Jack-in-the-box toys because I never know when they’re going to pop up, and that really stresses me out! (And if it’s a clown in the box, well, forget it!) I see no need for pranks, even if they’re harmless. I don’t like to pull them on other people, and I really don’t like them pulled on me.

I know, I already told you—I’m a complete party pooper. A fuddy dud.

And so do you think my poor, depraved boys got any sort of April Fool’s prank pulled on them at home yesterday? Nope. Nada. And, not having a mom who models appropriate pranking behavior, they resorted to sticking grapefruit down their pants in an effort to “fool” me.

Yeah…perhaps I should at least set the clocks ahead or something next year…

8 thoughts on “No Joke—I Hate April Fool’s Day”

  1. I am not a fan of April Fool’s Day either, I don’t like pranks and hate surpises. I am the WORST at my birthday because hubby loves planning things without telling me. I had a little mini panic attack this last year.

    Clowns can be creepy. My AUnt had a MAJOR clown thing going, and I hated sleeping at her house for years. When Boo was born she gave her a clown music maker thing, put it straight into a box. I couldn’t even look at it!

  2. Kellyn, ooh, I would’ve put that clown music maker in the FURNACE, not just a box!

    And Sarah, no, Poltergeist is one MESSED-UP movie. I was scared to even watch TV after watching it!

  3. Okay, for one, your dear #2 told me he was going to put grapefruits in his pants. His answer to my question of “Why on earth would you do that” was, “So she’ll think I pooped my pants. I tried to convince him that, as utterly hilarious as that is, that it would waste 2 grapefruits. His answer? “I know, but you HAVE to do that on April Fool’s Day!!!!” I said, “Really, you have to waste grapefruits?” But, whatever. He obviously didn’t grow up in the same house we did, where there was no wasting of anything! 🙂

    Secondly, I TOTALLY remember the crazy horses at the circus. It was a little traumatizing. And it was a huge letdown after I’d heard about how great circuses were all my life!

    Third(ly? I need a proofer!), I have one more addition to your #3 list of things you hate (surprises). This kind of goes along with jack in the boxes (jacks in the box?), but it’s those biscuit tubes that suddenly pop open after you pull the paper off! I love watching you open those. It’s bad enough if they pop open right away, but what if you’ve pulled the paper off and it still hasn’t popped? Then you NEVER know exactly when it’s going to finally pop open! Every time my girls and I open those tubes we talk about how Aunt Paula HATES those tubes!
    LOVE the clown picture, right away. I’m not even really afraid of clowns, but I might have nightmares now as I go to bed thanks to you…

  4. P.S. The proofer in me has evidently already turned in for the night, because there were about ten typos and mistakes in that comment I just posted.

    P.P.S. Why is there a handicapped (wheelchair) symbol by the word verification blank?

  5. What?! I can’t see the handicapped symbol. Now I’m totally curious!! (But a bit nervous.)

    Pam–I’m so glad I didn’t make up that story about the horses. You know I do that, sometimes, unintentionally. 🙂 And YES, the biscuit tubes! HATE THEM! I always have to hold it as far from my body as possible and close my eyes. Not a fan of the element of surprise, even in refrigerated breads.

  6. Yeah…not a fan of clowns, either. I guess it’s the covering of the face thing…If you’re not doing anything weird or shifty, you don’t need to hide your face, right?

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