November: Imagine the (Hairy) Possibilities

“You know what’s coming uuuup?” Husband asked me last night in a suspense-building singsong voice.

Thinking it must be something really good that I’ve forgotten about, which would not be surprising considering my track record with remembering things lately, for example, putting money in Boy #1’s lunch account (Yes, he had to watch everyone else eat.) or sending a pair of spare long pants to school with Boy #2 in case of an accident (Yes, the accident wasn’t enough to embarrass him; he was then forced to wear a pair of nearly too-short shorts the rest of the school day when it was 30 degrees outside.), I eagerly asked, “What???”

To my excitement chagrin, Husband replied, “No-Shave November.”

Crap.

Knowing that No-Shave November (a tradition among his teaching peers) is not at the top of my favorite month-long celebrations, he attempted to make me feel better with this:

“At least it’s not Neckbeard November!”

Why yes, we do have that going for us, don’t we?

(And although Iowa is a “no-fault” divorce state, I’m fairly certain there is a “neckbeard clause” buried somewhere in the law annals.)

So in honor of the upcoming “No-Shave November,” I thought I’d come up with my own tradition. Here are some of the nominees. . .

  • No-Shave November (girl-style)
  • No-Sex November (a direct result of No-Shave November)
  • No-Picking-Up-Anyone’s-Dirty-Underwear-Off-the-Floor November
  • No-Whining November (The kids would not be able to whine, but I still could.)
  • No-Snow November
  • No-Cook November (Oh, wait, I’m pretty sure I’ve already celebrated this for several months.)
  • No-Clean November (Whoops, yeah, that one’s been done already as well.)
  • No-Giving-My-Sister-Back-the-Suitcase-and-Iron-I-Borrowed November (Why not, considering we’re already going on a month for the suitcase and a week on the iron… And she lives right behind me.)
  • No-Money November (I’ve got this one COVERED!)
  • No-Shower November (The boys are begging for this one.)
  • No-H1N1 November
  • No-Missed-Days-at-Work November (I think my boss is voting for this one.)
  • No-Pretending-That-I’m-Going-to-Start-Exercising November
  • No-Sleeping-with-Mom-and-Dad November (Please, please, please!) (And no, I’m not still sleeping with my mom and dad.)
  • No-Coming-to-Blows-with-an-Old-Lady-at-WalMart-for-a-Gangsta-Rap-Elmo-Doll-at-3AM-on-Black-Friday November (Please, people, could we agree on this one at least?)
  • No-Accomplishing-Anything-on-My-To-Do-List November
  • No-Britney-Spears November
  • No-Sleep November (It would really help my to-do list if I didn’t have to waste so much time sleeping…)
  • No-Yell November (I’d love to just have a one-day reprieve!)
  • No-Plucking-That-Lone-Whisker-in-My-Chin November (as close to a neckbeard as I get)

So whaddya think? Give me some more ideas to make November memorable, will ya?

“Neckbeards are cool.”
– Henry David Thoreau

5 thoughts on “November: Imagine the (Hairy) Possibilities”

  1. Here is the November I would LOOOOOOOVE to have at my house:
    -No Obsessively Licking the Floors Nonstop November (this one is for my dogs, although I guess I don't want the kids licking the floors either)
    -While we're speaking of my dogs, I'd also like No Eating Anything That's Not Food November (that one is for one specific dog; YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)
    -No Not Giving My Daughter ANY Part in the Play November (that one is for her school; gonna take me a LONG time to get over that one!)
    -No Wii Active Guy Telling Me I'm Not Doing the Exercises Good Enough November (that one goes to YOU, virtual personal trainer!)
    -No Grills on the Teeth November (that one goes to Hubby; if your husband grows a neckbeard, he's getting grills)
    -No Scum in the Shower November (WHEN will I win the battle with soapscum? WHEN???????)
    And finally,
    -No Losses for the Hawkeyes November. Rah! Rah! Rah!

    None of these are as funny as yours. But then again, my life is boring and usually unfunny, so this is the best I could come up with. But in the spirit of being festive, we will celebrate some of your special days in November at our house. It will be Festivus for the Rest of Us!

  2. I love the no-missing-work November idea, my boss would love it too!

    I am also going to submit:
    No-late-homework-November
    No-crazy-family-November

    And my favorite because right now it needs to be said

    No-Dog-Puking-On-My-Couch-November! Woohoo!!!

  3. November is also National Novel Writing Month.

    Which might explain the lack of shaving, among our male colleagues.

  4. one perk of ryan joining the military is that he has to shave. every day! i remember no shave november amongst his friends at drake. not my favorite …

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