7 Lessons I Learned Over Memorial Weekend

1. Four adults and five children in one hotel room is not as much fun as one might think.I know, I know. Four adults and five children (ages 10, 6, 5, 3, and 2) in one hotel room—sounds like an instant party right? Well, surprising as it may be,...

Dairy Queen—The Soliloquy

Does he frighten you? Does the sight of the chocolate ice cream dripping down the side of the cone and running down his arm make you want to defend yourself with a pair of rubber gloves and a bottle of 409? Would you lose sleep over the brown blob...

And it shall be called…Thriftilicious Thursday…

In an attempt to continue the charade that this is, indeed, a “real blog,” I am officially declaring a theme for my Thursday posts. Let it hereby be known that Thursdays will now be referred to as “Thriftilicious Thursdays.” And what will we do on Thriftilicious Thursdays, you may...

The Second-Most Humiliating Experience in P.E. Class, Next Only to Dodge Ball

Good news, everyone! The moment you’ve been waiting for—and feared would never happen—has FINALLY arrived…The chance to relive those cherished memories from junior high gym class (“middle school” for you damn twenty-somethings)…Yes, you guessed it…All adults are now able to…take…the…PRESIDENTIAL FITNESS TEST!!! I know, I know. Don’t be embarrassed....

Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom

The pack stalks its prey, watching…waiting…looking for the right moment to make its move…go in for the kill…One of the pack members—the alpha male—gives orders to the others. “Climb up to its nest, using whatever means necessary.” The others obey, eager for the reward that awaits them. And suddenly,...

Seriously, where was all this cool stuff when I was still having babies?!?

It’s like they’re taunting me. They know I’m done. No more babies for this mama. Not that I wouldn’t love to have another child…It’s just that I know my limitations. Like a rubber band, I know just how far I can be stretched until I either break or–even worse–go...

The Hidden Dangers of Fire Safety

I’m the meanest mom in the world. It’s official. This morning it was Boy #2 who bestowed this honor on me. Why, you may ask? What did I do to be worthy of such a title? Did I make him eat All-Bran instead of Cocoa Pebbles? Did I tell...