Post-Thanksgiving Notes to Self

I'm thinking I may need to wax my arms...

Note to Self: If you decide to be the lame-o family member who only contributes Chex Mix to the Thanksgiving dinner, at least remember to grab it off the counter before leaving town. Because arriving at Thanksgiving dinner with 5 mouths to feed and no food to share = DOUBLE lame-o.

Note to Self: Playing Loaded Questions with your older cousins is fun, and the laughter produced could possibly even count as an ab workout. BUT, playing Loaded Questions with your older cousins AND your soon-t0-be teenage son could get a little dicey if questions like “What is your least favorite dirty word?” come up. Something to keep in mind.

Note to Self: Next year, if you choose to go to Target in the wee hours of Black Friday morning, make sure you first check to see when WalMart opens. If WalMart opens later than Target, you will end up in line in what you believe to be Target but you realize is just WalMart in disguise. Signs to look for: a woman ahead of you who is missing her bottom teeth listening to her friend brag about how she cut to the front of the line; and another lady in the line beside you eagerly anticipating how it was going to “come to blows” when the two disorganized lines had to merge into one.

Note to Self: It is not cool to wear a mass-produced store-bought headband to an indie craft fair, no matter how cute it is. ALL the vendors will compliment you on it, and they will follow it up with this question: “I bet you got that here, didn’t you?” To which you will then have to admit that you are not really one of the “cool kids” who buys everything local but instead a corporate slave who purchased it at Target.

Note to Self: Next time you want to get a big project, like painting the bedrooms, completed over a long weekend, don’t actually say it out loud. Because once you verbalize it, you will undoubtedly get sick and spend a good portion of that weekend with your head poised over a plastic popcorn bowl, praying for Mt. Vesuvius to finally erupt so you can get some relief (Which, unfortunately, it never does).

Note to Self: If you ever decide to get rid of your 50-year-old Christmas tree that was your hubby’s Granny’s, do not get sucked into the hype of the “pre-lit” tree. Sure, it assembles in seconds, but it will take you at least two hours to figure out how to plug those lights all in to one another just to realize that the strands that encircle the bottom half of the tree do not work. It will then take another two hours to unwind those 7-mile-long strands from the tree just so you can put replace them with your own string of lights, you know, like we used to do in “the old days.” (However, the nonworking light strands WILL give your dad something to obsess about and allow him the opportunity to use his portable voltmeter while trying to fix them. This could be a temporary benefit, depending on how bored he has been lately.)

Note to Self: No matter how much you’ve missed the boys while they’ve stayed at their grandparents’ houses, they will proceed to fight the second you shut the van door for the ride home. A movie may temporarily subdue them, but this will only prolong the inevitable. It’s just a fact of life; try not to take it personally.

Image from garvee


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