Or “Why Are My Kids Still Up at 10:05 on a School Night?”
Before you become a mom, you dream about how it will be. What you will do… what sweet things your kids will whisper in your ear… what words of wisdom you will pass on to your offspring.
In my pre-mom dreams, my children began yawning at 6:30, took baths with a “yes ma’am” and a smile, climbed into their L.L. Bean matching pajamas, and then drifted off into a peaceful slumber before I could finish the first storybook.
They did not, I repeat, did not repel from baths as if they were made of electricity (which, incidentally, would explain a lot), insist on sleeping in their underwear (even when it’s 10 below outside), and no matter how early I got them to crawl under their covers, manage to stay awake past 10:00.
Nor, in my pre-mom dreams, did I ever yell utter this phrase:
“Okay, boys, I mean it—NO CARD TRICKS IN BED!”
Oh, pre-mom Paula—dear, naive pre-mom Paula… if you could see me now…