Things that would only happen to me (and Liz Lemon)

Posted On July 21, 2010

Tonight, Husband said these words to me: “You never cease to amaze me.”

How sweet, right? Was he talking about my stunning beauty, my incredible talent or my kindness that overfloweth?

Nope. None of the above.

He was, in fact, referring to the fact that I burnt my eye with coffee.

Yes, you read that right.

See, friends, things like this may sound impossible to the more nimble and graceful.

However, I am neither nimble nor graceful and instead seem to attract the bizarre accident like some sort of freak magnet. Just ask Husband. He’ll vouch for me.

How, you may wonder, did I manage to get coffee in my eye? Well, it’s like this. I was working on my laptop in bed, drinking coffee out of my Starbucks aluminum travel mug, when a huge drop of coffee splashed, bounced off my cheek and straight into my left eye.

It still hurts, and my vision is a wee bit blurry. Hopefully it will feel better tomorrow and I can drop that lawsuit I filed against Starbucks. (KIDDING!) Can you imagine? The lawyers would probably make me try to recreate the scene. I’m pretty sure if I tried a hundred more times I couldn’t MAKE the coffee splash into my eye again.

So I’ll just add this to my list of other embarrassing injuries I’ve incurred, which include my favorites:

• Falling down the stairs at school in fifth grade while wearing a dress
• Burning my stomach with an iron
• Shutting my head in my boyfriend’s (now husband’s) car door (And yes, I meant to type “head” and not “hand.”)

The only other person I know (if you count a sit-com character as a “person” and you count daydreaming about being on the sit-com and becoming best friends with the character as “I know”) who is possibly more uncouth and uncoordinated as me is Liz Lemon, my make-believe BFF.