Seriously, people. This wouldn’t happen in your house, I’m sure.
Just in mine.
So, it was about midnight, and the door to our room was thrown open, and Boy #2 came stumbling through the dark.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked groggily.
No answer. Boy #2 kept lumbering toward the bathroom.
“Do you have to go to the bathroom?” I asked. (Yes, I know, I am SHARP when woken up in the middle of the night!)
Still no answer.
Then I heard a sort of splashing sound.
As I leaped out of bed and dashed for the bathroom, I saw Boy #2, eyes still closed, standing a good foot from the toilet—and peeing on the floor.
Some strange noises came out of my throat, kind of like “Aaahk!Uh! Uh!” as I tried to assess and remedy this quickly deteriorating crisis situation. Finally, I managed to blurt out, “Toilet! Toilet!”
And, yes, Boy #2 heard and stepped toward the toilet (and into the puddle of urine that was lapping around his feet). And, though asleep, the boy obeyed his mommy. He continued to empty his bladder—not in the toilet, however, but on the toilet.
Yep, you guessed it: the toilet seat and lid were both closed. And he didn’t bother to open them.
And wouldn’t you know that he must’ve been holding it for like three days because the urine was flowing through the grout in the tile like a fast-moving river, and a lake had formed directly in front of the toilet.
But what could I do? As the poor, clueless boy dripped the last drop onto the lid and began to head for the door, I simply washed off his feet and sent him on his way. Still asleep.
Then I began to dam up the bathroom floor and sanitize the toilet.
Just what I was hoping I’d get to do in the middle of the night…
And of course, Boy #2 had no recollection of it this morning. Unfortunately, the smell of pee still fresh in my nose, I did.
I’m just praying that if he sleepwalks again, I wake up to find him pushing around the vacuum or throwing in a load of laundry with his eyes closed instead of urinating on the floor…