This Would Only Happen In My House

I’ve got much more to post (I know, I know—I’m woefully behind, people!), but I just had to tell you what happened in the middle of the night.

Seriously, people. This wouldn’t happen in your house, I’m sure.

Just in mine.

So, it was about midnight, and the door to our room was thrown open, and Boy #2 came stumbling through the dark.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked groggily.

No answer. Boy #2 kept lumbering toward the bathroom.

“Do you have to go to the bathroom?” I asked. (Yes, I know, I am SHARP when woken up in the middle of the night!)

Still no answer.

Then I heard a sort of splashing sound.

As I leaped out of bed and dashed for the bathroom, I saw Boy #2, eyes still closed, standing a good foot from the toilet—and peeing on the floor.

Some strange noises came out of my throat, kind of like “Aaahk!Uh! Uh!” as I tried to assess and remedy this quickly deteriorating crisis situation. Finally, I managed to blurt out, “Toilet! Toilet!”

And, yes, Boy #2 heard and stepped toward the toilet (and into the puddle of urine that was lapping around his feet). And, though asleep, the boy obeyed his mommy. He continued to empty his bladder—not in the toilet, however, but on the toilet.

Yep, you guessed it: the toilet seat and lid were both closed. And he didn’t bother to open them.

And wouldn’t you know that he must’ve been holding it for like three days because the urine was flowing through the grout in the tile like a fast-moving river, and a lake had formed directly in front of the toilet.

But what could I do? As the poor, clueless boy dripped the last drop onto the lid and began to head for the door, I simply washed off his feet and sent him on his way. Still asleep.

Then I began to dam up the bathroom floor and sanitize the toilet.

Just what I was hoping I’d get to do in the middle of the night…

And of course, Boy #2 had no recollection of it this morning. Unfortunately, the smell of pee still fresh in my nose, I did.

I’m just praying that if he sleepwalks again, I wake up to find him pushing around the vacuum or throwing in a load of laundry with his eyes closed instead of urinating on the floor…

9 thoughts on “This Would Only Happen In My House”

  1. I have four boys, and two bathroom floors that need to be replaced. Despite their handy-dandy aimer thingy (a technical term), even WIDE AWAKE boys don’t seem to be able to hit the toilet!

  2. What a hoot!!
    And so proud of #2 to immediately obey his mommy like that.
    Just mighty grateful that he didn’t take a turn to the left in his sleep and tumble down the stairs!!
    What a boy 🙂
    Tonight, make sure the lid is up on the toilet before you fall into a “restful” slumber.

  3. Niiice. I sleepwalk quite a bit, so I’m glad I don’t (yet) have a boy child to pass it onto. I have enough adventures without THAT sort.
    Great post!

  4. You crack me up! I use to sleep walk when I was a kid, too… I once peed on one of my grandmother’s kitchen chairs, thinking it was the toilet! *blush*

  5. That is hilarious! My boys are not old enough to go by themselves. I was looking forward to it, but maybe I should reconsider.

  6. How I feel your pain on this one! Hunter use to sleep walk, and ended up sleeping in the shower a couple times (no tub…just the shower stall). Hubby was a sleep walking for the LONGEST time. He peed in his mom’s closet once (I so didn’t just say that…lol) and a couple times ended up in his truck with me in a panic when I couldn’t find him. He never had the keys, just slept in the truck. It was scary but hilarious too.

  7. I’m sorry I’m laughing out loud here I’m sure it wasn’t that funny when it happened. And sadly I’m sure it’ll happen at my house one day too! Then you can laugh at me 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge