Why does Halloween have to be scary?

What I like about Halloween:

  • Candy
  • Pumpkins
  • Candy
  • It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
  • Candy

What I hate about Halloween:

  • Anything scary

It’s official. The last of my boys has gone over to “the dark side.” Looking through websites at possible costumes, Boy #3 became entirely angry with me because, as he put it, “You just want me to be something CUTE! I don’t want to be cute—I want to be SCARY!” And no, he didn’t think that anything I pointed out was “scary” enough, either.

I wonder how he’d feel if he knew that when he was 1 he went trick-or-treating as a white and pink bunny. AND that the costume was a hand-me-down from his girl cousins.

No, instead, he was pointing out costumes like these:

This costume is called “Corpse Child.” Oh, how every mom longs to dress up her child as a corpse! And if the photo doesn’t let you see enough detail, read the description:

“Costume Includes: shirt with fiber optic latex chest piece and latex mask. This gray long sleeve shirt with fiber optic latex chest piece comes with the blood and the bones. Within your little corpse’s bones are his little rat pets with light-up eyes glowing red with vengence. His latex mask is bloody and boney, too, but features maggots creeping and crawling through open wounds.”

Okay, I just threw up in my mouth a little. Who would buy this costume for a kid?

Have I mentioned how much I hate clowns? After seeing this costume, I will never sleep again.

Now, would you take pictures of your 10-year-old in this costume and share with grandparents? I think it would look really good in a scrapbook…

Now this clown costume is called “Gruesome Giggles, the Horror Clown Killer.” And good news—it comes in size 4-6 so Little Johnny can wear it to the Halloween party at preschool!

Ahh, the Executioner. I think a kid should be required to be able to spell “executioner” before he can wear this costume. (Adults, too. I don’t discriminate.)

This costume is called “Dr. Killer Driller.” Just what we need—one more reason for kids to be scared of going to the dentist!

Note: The “Rotten Flesh Child Costume” does not come with the Skinned Alive Right Foot Prop. That’ll cost you $13.69 extra.

And what’s wrong with Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz? Must we now have an “Evil Scarecrow” as well?

I don’t understand why my boys don’t think the costumes I picked out were “scary” enough. Maybe we just need to broaden our definition of “scary” beyond “so-gory-and-disturbing-it-makes-my-heart-cry”…

What about this hot dog costume? A hot dog can be scary. I mean, if I stop and think about all those nitrates I get plenty scared, not to mention all those miscellaneous animal innards.

Michael Jackson? Enough said.

Okay, I know I mentioned that I love Charlie Brown, but something about this costume gives me the creeps. I’d label it as “disturbing” at least.

And another to file under “disturbing”…

And what about this ghost? He’s plenty scary, right? (Kind of reminds me of a certain unfortunate “white trash ghost” costume I made for Boy #2 one Halloween. It remains the butt of many-a-joke in my family. And, honestly, for good reason.)

Fortunately, I’m the one shelling out money on costumes, so I do have a say in what the boys wear. But I don’t think I’m going to be able to talk any of them into wearing this.

(But it’s sooooooo cute scary!)

Note: I found all of these costumes at HalloweenExpress.com. They do have plenty of non-scary costumes, too. 🙂

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